


this feels right and i'm letting it

by agonied



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Soft Boys, and tells isak everything, even cant sleep, evens past, possible trigger warning, this is rlly short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-16
Updated: 2017-06-16
Packaged: 2018-11-14 22:41:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11217747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agonied/pseuds/agonied
Summary: the one where even tells his story to isak and a billion stars





	this feels right and i'm letting it

**Author's Note:**

> lowercase intended

isak knows even's life hasn't been sweet and easy. he knows something has happened in a past that isak hasn't had a chance to hear about yet. curiousity nags at him and the only thing he wants is to know what happened to even, to find out what the boy making him so happy each day had to endure. but he also knows that sharing his story doesn't come as easy for even as it does to isak and that he loves every part of him, even the ones he might not know about and so he's willing to wait. wait however long it takes his boy to share.

throughout their endless days spent together, isak notices how even desperately tries to let the story out, to finally lose that weight of his shoulders. but he will stop himself, kissing isak, talking about sweet nothings. isak loves every second of it, content with waiting for whatever words mean so much to his boyfriend. 

as it sometimes occurs even is having one of the worse nights, the kind that makes isak cry in fear and worry while even is shaking, trembling in isaks arms. The younger boy holds onto him as if his life would depend on it. isak can only guess what even thought about, putting him into a state like this but he knows well enough not to ask him. if he wants to say something he will. for now, being able to hold him and protect him is enough.

\- "isak?"

\- "yes?"

\- "can we go outside?"

isak turns over to look at their tiny clock standing on the bedside drawer. 2.25am. it's too early, too late, but he doesn't even hesitate getting out of bed and helping the fragile boy beside him to do the same. they can't be bothered to put on proper clothes and so they leave to walk around a freezing oslo night in sweatpants and worn out t-shirts.  it's cold and windy but even doesn't seem to feel the stinging drops of rain on his skin. and the only thing isak cares about is the other boys hand in his own. none of them says anything, none of them knows where to go, for a while they just walk around, despite everything, feeling safe. 

isak can tell the exact moment in which the idea hit even, his glowing eyes and radiant smile giving him away.

\- "let's go to the sea, watch the stars and the sunrise"

and so they do. it's way too early for any tram to function so they walk through oslo. sleepless people in a sleeping town.

as they've reached the ocean, isak wasn't quite sure how he deserved this. endless stars above them, the moon reflecting onto the water, lying in the cold grass, his head in the crook of a boy, so beautiful that isak still questioned whether the universe decided to play a prank on him and one day waking up and having nothing.

it's silent for a long time before even breaks the quiet.

\- "isak, there's so much you don't know"

\- "i can wait, you can wait"

\- "i know i _can,_ isak"

evens voice breaks and as isak looks at him his eyes are no longer glowing. 

\- "if you must spill my love, spill with the moon and the stars up above"

that's all it took for even to start weeping, falling into isaks arms as they sit there watching the sea. how did they end up like this? two souls too broken to exist on their own forming something beautiful. isak waits until even has caught his breath.

\- "please, isak, don't change the way you think about me"

and with those words even started talking. he spoke and spoke. about a past so much more painful than anything isak could've imagined. about friends who weren't really friends, people leaving and people breaking the one person he loves so much. about endless pain. about the end he had almost forced upon the beautiful existence of his. how the fire has burned under his feet, threatening to swallow him whole, daring him to leave. he spoke every word as though it were unique. remembering his life and every decision that led him to the exact moment he finds himself in, sitting by the ocean at 3am with a person he loves more than he thought he was capable of.

\- "and that's it isak. that's my mind, that's every wrong decision i've made and i'm so sorry. i'm so sorry isak"

he starts crying again in a way that makes isak think maybe he won't ever be able to stop now. finding the right words is so hard. it's overwhelming, his chest and mind feel like they're about to burst and no word could be enough to express the love, the appreciation, the endless affection he wants to make the other to know he feels.

\- "even, you fought, you fought so hard for your place on this earth, for being able to experience this exact moment. you fight with yourself and your thoughts in the night. but above it all you live even, you live. and you're everything. you're fucking everything."

isak can't say more, his voice cracks and he doesn't want to cry. not now. but those words were enough. and for the first time even felt like he had a place on this earth. he felt his mind easing, at least for now, at least for a while. in the arms of the boy that seems to want to understand him, to love him even after everything that happened.

and as the sun started rising that day, both boys held onto each other so tightly, the world could've ended and none of them would've noticed. safer than they've ever been and loved. oh god, so loved.

**Author's Note:**

> yes hi i'm aware it's really short but it's late and i'm tired.  
> losely based off "you" by keaton henson, you should check the song out.  
> also i apologize if this was dissapointing, i am just learning to write actual dialogue-filled stories.


End file.
